


Walking out (on me)

by Irl_ShinjiIkari



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hallucinations, How Do I Tag, Internalized Homophobia, Kawoshin - Freeform, M/M, No Smut, No angels, Shinji's a pissbaby, Slurs, asurei - Freeform, except kaworu (wink wink), idk how to tag, implied asurei, reference to netflix subs, rei is dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:41:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29800335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irl_ShinjiIkari/pseuds/Irl_ShinjiIkari
Summary: Awhile after Kaworu's confession to Shinji, they caught themselves stargazing. Shinji accepts his confession, and they start dating. Yet, Shinji often finds himself thinking of what happened to Rei, and the angels. Misato spared him the details, but they both left at the same time. They're definitely hiding something from him. But for now, Shinji decides to distract himself with his new boyfriend.
Relationships: Ayanami Rei/Souryuu Asuka Langley, Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

The stars felt comforting as Shinji’s eyes adjusted to the dark sky without any artificial light, a cold feeling embraced his hand as he turned on his side, gazing into Kaworu’s eyes. Perhaps this felt more comforting, the feeling of being loved. The brunette slightly grinned, Kaworu was the only person that said that he loved Shinji. “Here”, Shinji mumbled, grabbing earphones and his iPod, “Put this in”, He passed Kaworu an earplug and the calming music surrounded them. Kaworu sat up, gaining a better view of the constellations. “You see, Shinji, if you look closely-“ He explained, pointing to a place in the endless void, yet, Shinji could only focus on the boy in front of him. Kaworu paused, turning to the other, “What’s the matter, Shinji?” Tears filled the boy’s eyes, shocked, Kaworu immediately attended to him, wiping the droplets off of his waterline. “Kaworu, I-“ The grey-haired boy stopped for a second in front of Shinji’s face, before closing the space in between their lips. 

“Kaworu... I think I love you too.” Shinji stopped, seeing the boy’s eyes light up. “I can’t explain this feeling, it hurts whenever I’m not with you and it disappears when you’re here… I’m sorry for crying before, it’s just, I don’t understand my feelings towards you. Yet, I think I’m comfortable with stating the fact that I love you, Nagisa Kaworu.” Kaworu placed a hand on Shinji’s face, stroking his thumb against his cheek. “It’s understandable whether you’re certain or not, just remember that I’ll always be here for you, Shinji.” The brunette nodded. Kaworu planted a soft kiss onto Shinji’s forehead, “Shinji, it’s getting late, you should head back. Ms. Misato is probably worried that you’ve run off again.” Kaworu chuckled, slowly standing up and reaching out to Shinji, the boy grabbed onto Kaworu’s hand and smiled. “You’re right, do you want to stay over? I’m sure Asuka wouldn’t mind, and Misato loves guests, and… Penpen is just… Penpen.” Shinji laughed, surely a penguin wouldn’t care, right? Kaworu smiled, “That would be nice.” 

“Ms. Misato, I’m home! Kaworu’s here, he’s staying for the night!” Shinji exclaimed while taking off his shoes. The two spotted Misato’s arm from around the corner, “Okay! There’s dinner in the fridge, that is if Asuka didn’t eat it all!” Misato yelled from across the hall, laughing. Kaworu nodded at Shinji and they made their way to the fridge. Scanning the cold box, he found a few take away containers with a sticky note on it, labelling “Left overs”, this must be it. In the bowls were noodles, Shinji turned to Kaworu, “Do you like noodles?” He nodded, great. Shinji heated up the noodles and distributed it between the two, placing chopsticks on the side of the plates. “Thank you for the food!” They said together, then began eating their meals. Asuka exited her room, feeling drawn in by the waft of noodles, “Huh? Idiot Shinji and… the fifth eating my noodles?” Asuka pouted, “HEY!” She yelled, getting the boys’ attention. “Those noodles are mine!” Shinji looked down and sighed, “But Ms. Misato said dinner was in the fridge…” Shinji quietly spoke as he put down his chopsticks, Asuka fumed, “I PUT A NOTE ON IT! Learn how to read. Those are MY leftovers, idiot Shinji!” Shinji glanced at Kaworu and he smiled slightly and got up, facing Asuka, he cleared his throat. “Asuka, calm down, they’re just noodles, if you really wanted it you should’ve put your name on it or already ate it. If you want, you can have my noodles…” Asuka frowned in disgust, who does he think he is, calling them his noodles, Asuka thought. “Why would I want your noodles!? You’re so stupid! Forget it!” She went back into her room and slammed the door as best as she could. Shinji frowned and shrugged his shoulders at Kaworu. 

“K-Kaworu! I insist, take the futon, you’re the guest!” Shinji blushed, while trying to usher Kaworu into the futon. “Shinji… I can’t do that; I’ll just sleep on the floor.” Kaworu scratched the back of his neck, “Plus I don’t want to bother Ms. Misato.” He paused for a moment, “Or we could just share it?” Kaworu suggested, Shinji’s face turned bright red. “Uhm, Kaworu, can I… hold you?” Shinji stammered, “I-I mean! I normally hug a pillow or something at night, so… is it alright if you can substitute?” Shinji looked down in embarrassment, Kaworu blinked, taking a second to register what just happened before bursting into laughter, “Shinji… hah, you’re so silly… of course.” Shinji blushed even more somehow, even though he was already as red as a tomato. “Okay, Kaworu, let’s get to bed…” Kaworu nodded happily as he laid down underneath the blanket, Shinji followed, climbing under next to Kaworu, he slowly extended his arms, wrapping them around Kaworu’s waist. With a hum, Kaworu turned on his side, cupping Shinji’s face, “You’re definitely worthy of my affection… I love you, Shinji.” Kaworu embraced Shinji with his right arm, turning back over and drifting to sleep with the brunette.


	2. You're different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji has a bad dream, and Kaworu's not by his side.

“Shinji.” A soft voice echoed, pulling Shinji out of bed and towards an abyss, with a ding, small lights came out of the ground, each step he took more lights appeared like a trail but where was it leading him to? A petite girl stood facing away from the boy, “Ayanami?” Shinji rubbed his eyes, and she vanished, weird. “Ayanami, where did you go?” More lights, directing him to a girl standing confidently, “Asuka…” She disappeared in a blink. He turned around, facing Misato, “Ms. Misato.” Behind him, he heard a drip, yet there was nothing, turning back, Misato was gone. More lights led him on for what felt like hours, until a set of lights lit up together, surrounding a figure. Shinji walked closer, eyes fixating on them like a target, knowing that if he would even blink, they’d be gone. “Kaworu…” He huffed, running up to the boy and quickly grabbing him, pulling him into a hug, “Kaworu not you too, don’t leave me…” He cried, looking back up the boy disappeared right in his sight, leaving nothing but his clothes left behind. Shinji paused, and backed up, gripping onto the pieces of fabric. “K-Kaworu? Kaworu! Don’t leave, Kaworu! Come back… Kaworu, come back…” 

”Kaworu!” Shinji shuddered himself awake, “It was all a dream…” He glanced over, Kaworu not in sight, he tore at the bedsheet, “Kaworu?” Shinji began sobbing, curling up into a ball. “Why’d you leave… like everyone else…” Tears streamed down his face as he heard the door open, “Kaworu!” Shinji smiled, wiping his tears, he paused, “Ms. Misato?” Misato raised her eyebrows before questioning if Shinji was okay, “I’m alright, it’s just… where’s Kaworu?” He frowned, but slightly smiled at Misato’s concern, “Kaworu? He went out about an hour ago…” She explained and shrugged. “Kaworu left?” Shinji asked, which resulted in Misato nodded, “I-I have to leave…” Shinji got up and ran out the door, and towards the front door, quickly putting on his shoes before exiting. Misato sighed. 

Huffing and puffing, Shinji ran down the streets of Tokyo-3, searching for Kaworu, beginning to cry, Shinji fell down to the side of the road, sitting down and wiping his tear-stained cheeks. He didn’t think Kaworu would betray his feelings, like everyone else. Maybe he was overreacting… it seems he does that a lot. Yet, his trust in Kaworu was too big to think that he would just leave without saying anything. Shinji’s sobbing became louder, and he was becoming desperate. “Kaworu!” He yelled, choking on his tears, “Where are you!?” Standing up and slowly walking through the street, he saw a figure. “Kaworu?” He smiled, approaching the person. The grey-haired boy smiled sweetly, walking up to Shinji, “You’re finally awake, good…” He pulled Shinji close and kissed his forehead. Shinji blushed, wrapping his arms around the other, “Kaworu, you left… I thought you betrayed me.” Shinji’s tears fell against Kaworu’s shirt, “Shinji, I would never do that… I’m sorry I was out for a bit, I decided to take a walk.” Shinji sniffled, tightening his grasp on Kaworu, and looking up at him, making sure he’s really here. “Kaworu, I trust you… but I was scared, since it is dawn.” Shinji sighed, and slowly let go of him. “Shinji…” Kaworu whispered, grabbing Shinji’s chin, “I’m sorry, I won’t do that again without telling you.” He tilted his chin up, edging his face closer to Shinji’s, moving in to kiss him.

“Ikari!” Kensuke yelled out, waving his hands, Kaworu moved back, and let go of Shinji. “Oh, who’s that?” Shinji blushed, goddamnit, Kensuke. Walking across the street to Kensuke, Kaworu followed Shinji. “Aida, what are you doing out here this early?” Shinji sighed, Kensuke grinned, “The usual, taking photos of the cool things I see, or the random things I see at this time. What about you? It’s unusual for you to be out at all if you’re not at school or piloting.” Aida Kensuke chuckled, Shinji sighed, “Looking for him,” He pointed to the grey-haired boy behind him, “Kaworu went out for a walk, and I got paranoid.” Shinji whimpered, causing Kaworu to sigh. Kensuke frowned, the name sounding familiar. “So, Ikari Shinji, an Eva pilot, friends with some Kaworu… Kaworu like the fifth child, Kaworu?” Kaworu raised an eyebrow, “So I was right, huh? I tend to be a lot of the times.” Kensuke gloated, and Shinji cringed, “Anyway, what was that thing you guys were doing early… You dating or something?” Kensuke joked; Shinji turned to Kaworu for help. Kaworu nodded, giving an “I’ve got this!” look. “Actually, yes.” Kaworu calmly stated. Kensuke stared in shock, while Shinji rambled about how big of a liar Kaworu was, before Kaworu continued where he left off, kissing Shinji softly. For a second, Shinji tried pushing away, trying to save whatever was left of what Shinji told Kensuke was a joke, before giving in. Kaworu slowly let go of Shinji and smiled, “We should head back.” Shinji nodded and Kensuke was still shocked, “Shinji are you… gay?” Kensuke asked, trying his best not to be offensive. “I-I don’t know… maybe?” Kaworu began walking ahead, “Ah, sorry! I got to go!” Shinji ran up to Kaworu, playfully pushing him. 

After getting back home and settling after a few hours, Kaworu and Shinji sat at the table, talking, and exchanging random thoughts. “Ah, right, Shinji.” Kaworu called out, “I have a surprise for you soon, you should probably take a nap, since you haven’t slept since when you came to find me.” Kaworu smiled calmly. Shinji nodded, “Kaworu, can you lie down with me for a bit?” Shinji asked bashfully, Kaworu nodded, “Of course…” Going to the bedroom, Shinji and Kaworu lied down, with Shinji hugging Kaworu, and Kaworu with an arm around Shinji, they dozed off. Even though Kaworu only meant to rest for a bit, he ended up awakening a bit after Shinji, maybe it’s nice to sleep sometimes. He enjoyed it, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how ao3 works  
> oh well  
> anyway gay peopl@>@>@@


	3. Burnt Toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji and Kaworu go on a little date

“Good morning, sleepyhead…” Shinji hummed, ruffling Kaworu’s hair. Kaworu sat up, and pecked Shinji on the cheek. “What’s the time?” Kaworu groaned, rubbing his eyes. Darting over to the clock, Shinji answered, “11:28.”, he laughed. Kaworu’s face showed a shocked emotion. This late, really? “Ah, Shinji, we have to be there by 1pm… Hurry up, we have to get ready.” Shinji nodded, then quietly yelped as Kaworu yanked on his arm, “Let’s have a shower.” Kaworu smiled calmly, and Shinji blushed, “Together?” Shinji stuttered, Kaworu nodded, “Isn’t that embarrassing?” Shinji stammered, which left Kaworu with a confused look, “But… we bathed together before, right?” he questioned, Shinji scoffed, and blushed deeper, “Let’s go then.”   
He guided Kaworu to the bathroom. The warm water began filling the tub, soon the boys’ got into the clean, porcelain bath, “Do you like the bath, Kaworu?” Shinji asked, looking down, “Ms. Misato says the bath is life’s washing machine…” Kaworu chuckled, and moved to face Shinji, the water splashing around, “The bath, huh? It’s… nice.” He stated, “The bath feels warm, and safe…” Kaworu said, staring at the roof. “Safe, huh?” Shinji scratched the back of his neck, “That’s one way to describe it… yet, whenever I’m in the bath, bad memories always come back.” Shinji sunk into the water for a moment before pulling his head out, “But, I feel safe with you.” Shinji sighed, gazing towards Kaworu, “Perhaps it’s time to get out.” Kaworu smiled, “We should be leaving here in about 10… 15 minutes?” 

Stepping out of the tub, Kaworu grabbed Shinji’s hand, gently pulling him out. They quickly got dried, and dressed, ready to leave. “Ms. Misato, Asuka! We’re leaving!” Shinji called out, putting on his shoes. Asuka stepped out of her room with a sigh, “Bye, homos…” She whispered the last part under her breath, and a loud bye was heard from Misato’s room. With a final wave, the two were out the door, and Asuka made sure to slam said door closed, before sinking down against it.   
She shuddered, wrapping her arms around her frail body, before silently sobbing. The red head slowly opened her eyes, after feeling a slight touch on her head. Asuka froze, lips pursed, “Rei…”, was all she managed to choke up, the blue haired girl in front of her smiled softly, wrapping her arms around Asuka. “Rei, I’ve missed you so much…” She cried into the shoulder of her girlfriend, “You don’t know how much I…”  
Asuka slowly let go of Rei, and looked up to make eye contact, instead seeing nothing but the entrance of the apartment, “How much I miss you.” She finished, before standing up, and wiping her tears. 

Shinji continued to hold tightly onto Kaworu’s hand as they sprinted down the streets of Tokyo-3, after a long run, they stood in front of a fancy looking building, huffing, and puffing, Kaworu opened the door, “I’ll lead the way”, he said, lips forming a smile.   
Stepping in, the first thing Shinji noticed was the air con, accustoming them to a cool environment. The room was a long hall, centered off into different rooms, but at the end of the hall was a ball room with a grand piano placed in the middle. 

Shinji smiled calmly, as he traced his fingers over the keys. He turned back to his lover, “This is wonderful, Kaworu…” Shinji’s eyes followed Kaworu as he sat down, reaching out his hand for Shinji, “Here, sit.” They sat on the bench, and begun to play a familiar song, Ode to Joy, Kaworu smiled, “I heard this melody once when I was walking through the city, it reminded me of you.” He turned to Shinji, and cupped his cheeks, leaning in to kiss him passionately. Their lips separated, and Shinji was blushing, Kaworu smiled, and sighed, “We should start heading back.” He looked at his watch, “It’s 1pm, perhaps we should make lunch?”

“We’re home!” Shinji called out, to no one in particular. A familiar scent lured the brunette to the kitchen, witnessing a rare occurrence, Asuka cooking. “Welcome home, Idiot Shinji.” She gave a half smile, moving to place the miso soup and rice on the table, “Oh… You’re still here, fag?” Asuka pouted, “I didn’t make enough food for you, so you can make something yourself.” She shrugged, and called Misato out, Kaworu slightly smiled, “I’m fine, thanks.” He said nonchalantly and taking a seat next to Shinji. “I didn’t ask!” Asuka fumed, earning a laugh out of Misato.   
After chugging half of her beer, the purple haired woman started eating her meal, “Wow, Asuka. It’s actually good!” She grinned, emphasizing the actually. Asuka growled, “What does that mean? At least I can make something other than burnt toast!” the red head turned her head to the side. Misato giggled, “Asuka, don’t be so mean!” she joked and finished her beer.   
After finishing his soup, Shinji slowly pushed the bowl of rice to Kaworu, “You have to eat something”, Kaworu sighed at this, shaking his head slightly, “I’m fine, don’t worry. You need to eat, you’re more important to me than myself”, Shinji tried to rebuttal but Kaworu shook his head once more, “I’m fine, I swear”, he gave Shinji a smile of reassurance, which Shinji nodded to.

**Author's Note:**

> gay peole real.   
> anyways ill try to update this once a week i swear. but im so tired and schools annoying so eh


End file.
